A still small voice - or in my case 2

I Kings 19:11 And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; 12 And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire [a sound of gentle stillness and] a still, small voice. 13 When Elijah heard the voice, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, What are you doing here? As an educator, it falls to me to evaluate my student's weaknesses and to determine how to fix them and it seems that every year there is one student that leaves me at loss. This year it is a hearing impared student (also my daughter's boyfriend) who has only about 25% hearing in one ear and 50% in the other. When I speak to Joshua, it requires that I get his attention which often means I must stop what I am doing, approach him and (if he's mad at me at that point) pound on his desk. Even when I am sitting right in front of him, Josh can (and sometimes does) refuse to look at me. Don't get me wrong, I typically have a wonderful relationship with this student and have often signed to him that I love him enough to let him be mad at me. One major issue I have is that when he gets frustrated, he acts out. If we are in a public place, he doesn't want me to sign to him. When we are in a setting where I know he can't hear, he turns away or gets angry if I try to sign to him, refusing to admit that he doesn't hear what is being said. Joshua has a Sign Lauguage interpreter who comes to every class with him, but often he sits and ignores the very assistance that could make him more successful. He has told my daughter he hates being deaf through his tears of frustration. My greatest desire is to help this student close his learning gaps, but I often find that I am as frustrated with his deafness as he is. Joshua has an older brother who is also hearing impared. The difference is that Jeromey has chosen to acknowledge his deafness, removing his hearing aids and attempting to adapt to a hearing world as an unhearing person. The most profound thing about Jeromey is, that as a result of his hearing imparement, his speaking voice is extremely quiet and soft. To truly understand what he is saying, I must stop and focus. I have to force myself to shut out all outside influences and give him my undivided attention. My experiences with Jeromey have been pleasant, and because of his speach, almost soothing. Unlike Joshua, Jeromey accepts his deafness but still reaches out to the hearing world around him. Today as I am thinking about Joshua and Jeromey, I wonder, does God think that my spirit is 'hearing impared'? I have to wonder how many times God has thought, "I have to stop what I'm doing, approach LeAnn, and if she's mad at me, 'pound on her desk'?" I imagine He is aware that "When she gets frustrated, she acts out. When we are in public, she doesn't want Me to 'sign' to her. When she is in a setting where I know she can't 'hear' what is happening she turns away or gets angry and refuses to look to Me if I try to 'sign' to her. I wonder if the Holy Spirit thinks, 'she doesn't want to avail herself of the assistance I provide. Sometimes in this life I have to wonder if am I the strong wind, the broken mountains, the pieces of rock, or the raging fire (where the Lord's presence is not)? Maybe, instead being like Joshua -- the storming 'deaf' person who is frustrated with his inability to change his situation, choosing to ignore his inability to hear and refusing to acknowledge that someone is speaking to him,-- I need to to be more like Jeromey and accept that I am limited but still need to reach out to the 'Hearing One' who is always near me and is always speaking (whether I acknowledge Him or not). When I admit my 'hearing deficit' I can give Him my full attention, and listen to the still small voice. I can take the time to shut out the 'world' around me and focus on Him, (as I must do with Jeromey) to understand what He has to say. I know that those times with the Lord have been some of the most soothing to my soul. The truth is, Joshua and Jeromey have way more to teach me than I will ever have to teach them.

PRAISE - A VITAL NECESSITY

"Extreme hunger" - several sites list this as a symptom of low blood sugar. Extreme hunger is what drives us to eat. I have to say that after eating nothing for over 10 hours yesterday, what I felt I would certainly describe as "extreme," a gnawing ache and a sense of urgency to satify that need. But isn't that the point really. The Amplified Bible says in Jeremiah 29:13 "The you will seek me, inquire for and require Me (as a vital necessity) and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." I can tell you that yesterday, I was seeking food as a VITAL NECESSITY. The ache in my stomach would not be satisfied any other way. I drank 2 bottles of water, a giant diet soda and nothing would satiate my hunger. Finally, FOOD! And it was all I could do not to eat way more than I should have (I am on a quest for a lighter body). I felt compelled to feed, nourish, and restore my body. The urge to tend to my flesh was overwhelming. But shouldn't my need to restore my spirit be just as strong? Shouldn't my urge to feed my soul be just as driving? Shouldn't I be searching for Him and requiring Him as a "VITAL NECESSITY?" In verse 14 of the same chapter, Jeremiah writes, I will be found by you says the Lord, and I will release you from captivity and gather you from all nations...." We are captive to this body, its needs its desires, its "vital necessities." Hunger should drive me to God, not my refrigerator. Psalm 135:2-3 "You wo stand in the house of the Lord, in the courts of the house of our God, Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing praises to His name, for He is gracious." I could look at my physical hunger as simply a symptom of having not eaten, but the truth is, that hunger should drive me to seek Him to praise Him and make that my "vital necessity."

Fasting....I have to admit, I have seen these challenges before, but have never felt compelled to participate. I've contemplated fasting caffene (woah, but what about my addiction), Television (wait I can't give up Frasier), Breakfast (but isn't that supposed to be the most important meal of the day), but in all of these I can admit that I obviously was never truly motivated. I have also questioned the idea of participating in a "group fast" because I was convinced that it wasn't something to be announced. I mean, after all isn't the idea of fasting supposed to be that you are seeking something from God and that should be a private matter? I guess I believed that if you announced it you were no better than the priest on the corner who prayed loudly so as to be heard by the passers by. At this stage of my life, I find that I am way more reflective. In recent years, I have come to the conclusion that life is not about the destination, it is about the journey, it is about the roads we take and why we take them, the choices we make and why we choose them. Over the last several weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I am not taking my faith seriously enough. This has been difficult for me to admit as my standard practice has been to ignore the ugly. Finding reasons to do a thing is easy, actually doing it is difficult. But during the next 21 days, I will be fasting lunch. I am already finding this to be physically unpleasant, but nothing worth accomplishing is ever easy. I decided to take to my Bible for a word from the Lord, and frankly I couldn't come up with anything that really sung out. I looked at many familiar passages such as Proverbs 31, Psalm 1 and Psalm 91, and it struck me that the fast was 21 days so I began to just turn through the book of Psalms and decided I would focus on the first chapter that had 21 verses and it turns out to be Psalm 135. Verse 1: Praise the Lord! (Hallelujah) Praise the name of the Lord; praise Him O you servants of the Lord. This verse is so simple, so concise, so the next 21 days should be days of praise!

Why I came here this time.

"One Year with God" I started this blog because I wanted a place to talk about what is happening and what is to come. I've haven't been serious about my faith in years, but I find that I am more and more aware of how much it should mean to me. I set up this blog to make it available to women of faith that I know and to allow them access to join in this endeavor. It is my goal to spend one solid year with God, examining my faith and evaluating my reasons for not following Him more closely. I am hopeful that other women I know will come here and be ministered to and minister to others. In the past I have not been terribly dedicated to any such undertaking, but for some reason, now is the time. To those of you who decide to join me, WELCOME, to those who stop in to browse, I hope you return. To those to take a look and move on may God richly bless you.